Death to the Persona
Sometimes we're a few steps ahead of ourselves, others we trail behind. This global pandemic has provided much rest and reflection, a silence for truths to be revealed. I'm grateful for it. In the latest publication of my 12 Moons tarotscopes zine, I predicted:
"A new beginning embraced and for some, drastic plot twists that will have you discarding attachments and personas for a minimalist, more authentic lifestyle. You will be turning heads, having people wonder what the heck has happened to you."
How this has manifested for me is a decision to finally put "Scream Queen B" to rest. This persona hasn't resonated for quite some time and my identity built around it has often been a safe place to hide. Not anymore.
SQB came from my life as an actress and writer in the horror genre, a self-professed "Scream Queen of the B Scene," and many of you have known me from that time. Creating Truckstop Bloodsuckers, Gillian's Just Right and Codependent Ghost Girl have been moments of great pride for me. Being invited to the Cannes Film Festival in 2015 was an awe-inspiring magical experience and yet, it was also where I was confronted with the dark underbelly of the industry, a pre #MeToo moment of experiencing the systemic predatory landscape, witnessing the all encompassing power of Harvey Weinstein, the consumption of young souls, particularly women, to the "lifestyle" of ego, addiction and illusion. That made my skin crawl. That I wanted no part of.
Many times I've wanted to leave the industry all together, for many reasons. I am and will always be a writer and working with the creative medium. I've had some healing around my creativity which I will share upon later, recently met my idol Karen Walton (Gingersnaps, Orphan Black) and produced a great short film that spooked the audience. I love this part of myself - but I'm so much more.
I've always loved the statement from Abraham Hicks of you're experiencing discomfort because YOU have not caught up to who you are. I paraphrase, but I think that's about it. Since returning from France, my life has undergone a process of uncovering. Stripping away the labels, the comfortable tagline and hashtags. In many ways I've been pushed out of the spiritual closet and I didn't always recognize or appreciate who was revealed from within. It's been difficult to be different, to be tuned-in and sensitive, to be an empath and intuitive who can bridge the seen and hidden worlds. I could blame my addiction on these feelings, my fears of being seen, my arsenal of projects not-yet-birthed, but the truth is, it's just so damn hard to catch up to you who already are and be ok with it. We all have this struggle with self-love and self-acceptance on some level. This is the part of the spiritual awakening, to honour where the soul wants to go.
Which is why I say uncovering, not becoming. I've been in here the whole time, waiting for my moment across the stage. So welcome to lindseymcneill.com. I'm glad you're here.